5 days

Did I mention that I'm pregnant? Just a little over 39 weeks. I'm due May 25th.
It's a Boy!
I'm excited, and nervous.... and scared all balled into one. It's a roller coaster of non-stop emotions. I am happy... beyond happy, but I find myself crying at some point of the day, almost everyday.
I have so much going on in my life. So much I've been going through for so long. Un-dealt with and left to pile up. These last 4 years have been rough. It hasn't all been bad, but the worst of the worst has definitely consumed these last few years, this last year being the hardest for sure.... and I blame nobody. Life happens, and we make the best of it in the situations were in, and fall short in many other areas. We make poor decisions, but it's never the intention...

I think knowing that I am going to be a mom, in a very short period of time, has made me reflect a lot on the past... and what it's taken for me to get here. What I've endured to have this moment. To know that my whole life is about to change at any given moment, and sometimes I am so filled with self doubt, that I feel ill-equipped to go on. There are some days I feel like I can't even take care of myself, let alone this little boy that is about to enter my life. It's scary. But i know a lot of it is just nerves. I can do this. I can do anything. I've always done everything I had to, and gotten through things that I never thought would be possible.... and this..... this is a blessing. A life I created, that is all mine. No one else, but mine.

I think the hardest part in life, is growing up as a little girl believing that life will be a fairy tale. We're conditioned to believe that there's a prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet, and there's a happily ever after. There's always a happily ever after.... but they failed to mention that you gotta go through shit.... a lot of shit... to get there. They forgot to mention the work it takes... hard work at that to have that ending. But we all create what our own fairy tale is... we all have our own ideas and expectations. I think coming to terms with the fact that you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to find happiness in the story you're actually living.... that's the real challenge, but once you can accept that, you can really start living.

Everything will fall into place, everything will be exactly what you need it to be... just be patient.